my lil explorer

Cash has been crawling for 8 days. He is following me all over the house. He wants to go into the bathroom in particular and get into the dog bowls. He drags one leg and puts the other one straight out. He is so fascinating to watch him discover things. He will focus on one little piece of something on the ground and stay there for 10 mintues trying to pick it up. He is more steady and falls less. He pulled himself up on my Big J's couch Friday and today I was on Pinterest, looked over and he is standing beside his walker with one had on it and the other grabbing at his pacifier in his mouth. That boy is going to be walking in no time. I guess this is where everything starts to whiz by in the blink of an eye.

Hey that rhymed.

The worst nightmare I could ever possibly have

I had a terrible dream last night.
I don't know how it happened but Cash died. I was so grief stricken I can't even describe the pain I felt. I don't know where P was. It was like I was all alone. I was going around the city doing something but it seemed like aimless driving. I kept picturing Cash in my head. It was pictures of him smiling and being happy. It made me smile but cry at the same time. I was telling someone, so much for his having to get his handprint at one year. It seemed like P but it wasn't him. Maybe it was a friend I was with. I don't remember any faces except mine and Cash's.

I woke up thinking about this horrible dream. It made me kiss him a little more and appreciate him even more. Maybe this happened because I have been getting frustrated with his crying and fighting his sleep lately. Maybe it was God's way of saying, "Hey! Look what you have! It could be a lot worse and you could not have him at all! I gave him to you for a reason and be more patient with him!" Well, I gotta tell you it worked.

Why?

Why do babies fight their sleep so much? There has got to be a scientific explanation out there somewhere.

Why can't Cash sleep in his crib? It's not Mommy and Daddy. He has cried for 2 hours straight and won't go to sleep. When you finally pick him up he does that "Ive been crying too much and can't breathe" thing that kids do.

Why does Cash have to shove his hand in your mouth to go to sleep?

Why don't I have more patience sometimes?

Why do P and I bicker about the most retarded things sometimes?

Why are we broke all the time?

My apologies.

It has been almost a month since I have written! Wow. Between Cash and work and doctors appointments and housework I have no time to do anything else. I work 3 12 hour shifts a week. I get up at 5am, drive an hour to work, get off at 7:30 an get home at 8:30. I play with Cash, eat dinner and then get him ready for bed. I'm lucky to get in bed by 10pm each night. It is very exhausting for both P and I but it saves us daycare costs which we can't afford. Hell, we can barely afford anything now-a- days. I really don't know where all our money goes. Each of our paychecks are already spent before we get them. We don't eat out or go to movies or dates anymore. Diapers, formula, wipes and clothes and toys must be the culprit. Our savings is dwindling as well due to the purchase of our new floors and we have no money to replace what we take out of savings. P and I both working 4 ours less a week has really taken a toll on our wallets. We even talked about turning off the satellite but have yet to do so.

Cash is almost 7 months old. When I think of a 7 month old I think of a big kid! That is closer to one year old than not. I'm going to try not to give up on making his baby food but now that he needs meat and more grains it's going to get harder and more time consuming. He gets frustrated with a sippy cup and will try it but gives up. P has spoiled him rotten. He wants to be held ALL THE TIME. He is 100% sitting up on his own. He will roll from side to side. He will get in crawling position and go to his belly then after about 5 minutes he is screaming. He can go 360 degrees on his belly but thats about it. He won't sleep in his baby bed. Most of the time he goes to sleep pretty good if you lay beside him on the bed but he will still get over tired and fight you so bad! He does this weird thing when you are getting him to sleep; he has to have his fingers in your mouth or grabbing your lips. It's quite annoying when his fingernails are long. Hopefully he will out grow this. He sits up in the cart and high chairs at resturants all by himself. He loves drinking water you give him from a straw. He is becoming himself more and more each day. Sigh...

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I have written anything. I have been busy working and trying to stay out of the heat. Cash is getting bigger and sitting up on his own. He holds his bottle (when he feels like it). He is easily destracted and amused just like his Mama! He loves being held and doesn't like being alone. We have tried a few more times to get him to sleep in his crib but he won't have it. I hate sitting there watching the monitor and seeing his tears streaming down his face. I cave everytime. Oh well, he will be grown before I know it so I'm enjoying it. He has had lots of baby food and loves everything, peas, pears and bananas seem to be his favorite. He is drinking 3-4 8 oz bottles a day. He loves to have blowout poopie diapers and get poop everywhere! He has done this countless times.

I am going to take a mini photography session with a local photographer. She offered a 4 hour class to the first 10 people on Facebook that responded and I got a spot! It is just to show you the basics of your camera and how to take better pictures of your kids. I have been searching the internet for this exact thing and haven't found a single offering. I am beyond escatic! I also won a 1/2 price session that I will use for Cash's one year pictures. I am so excited about both because she is such an amazing photographer! I'm also ready to use my really expensive camera to it's fullest capacity!

Here is a picture that my niece took yesterday. I told her she needs to become a photographer because she has great persepective.

Oh what a night.

Apparently we only thought Cash was teething before. Last night was horrible!! He passed out around 9pm. We put him right to bed and he slept until 11pm. He proceeded to wake up SCREAMING every 1-2 hours! We gave him bottle and rocked him and cuddled him and he just wouldn't go back to sleep. We finally ended up giving him Tylenol about 7am and he went right to sleep until 11am. He has had a few "screaming for no reason" episodes already. His cold teething ring quieted him and now he is playing with his toys quietly. I'm now wondering if it was gas pains too. He has passed gas generously for the past few hours. I don't know what it was but I hope it doesn't repeat tonight. It reminded us of that first month and it wasn't fond memories!

Our growing boy.

We took Cash out to eat with us tonight. I really realized how much he is growing. First off he HATES his carrier with a passion. I hate it too. It is so heavy. As soon as he can sit up full time on his own (he is almost there) we are switching to his big boy car seat. He can't sit in a high chair yet so he stays in his carrier when we go eat. He is starting to catch on that his seat is boring and he only gets one view: my side. Well in the restaraunt he starts fussing. P holds him in his lap and he plays with his toy. He gets tired of that toy easily. He will grab and take anything in his reach and put it straight into his mouth. He had a hunk of bread, the paper from the bread basket, napkins, his toy, his ring toy. He tired to grab my fork and my drink anytime they were near. You really have to be on your toes around this kid. He is so curious and full of energy. He ate a whole jar of peas there and loved them! He liked them more than sweet potatoes which is weird. We had little green balls of peas everywhere. I ordered a cart/high chair cover today in preparation of him sitting up and I can't wait. It's tiring holding him and trying to eat with one hand.