17 months later

Life us busy. So busy its been 17 months since I've blogged. I set this up as a diary of sorts because I have such a bad memory and wanted to remember milestones and funny moments with Cash. Along came Jemma and man how things have changed. 

Cash: 4 years old. Sensitive, loving, clingy, sneaky, 100% boy, very smart. 

Likes: Lego anything, video games (he will ask Patrick and I if we want to take a nap so he can play them), Minecraft, star wars, curious George movies, role play (he is the best zombie and robot. He assigns all of us roles too), candy, hanging out at dad's work (he calls it hanging out too!), aggravating his sister, Tango, cats, his friends. (He doesn't have any yet but if he plays with a kid anywhere they are suddenly his friend), chick-fil-a ( because of the playground), drawing Minecraft people, sword fights, gun fights, building forts out of blocks, the park, swimming. 

He will eat raw carrots and broccoli because we tell him it makes him run fast. He will demonstrate running fast after he eats broccoli every time. He loves all sweets and will eat/sneak them as often as he can. He is potty trained but has an accident at night 1-2 times a month. He sleeps in his bed 10% of the time. This is my fault. I love cuddling with him! Even though he sleeps right next to me and wraps his legs and arms around me and gives me 1 foot of actual sleeping space and makes me sweat, I still love it! He loves telling knock knock jokes but never remembers the punch lines so usually inserts "poop" in there  somewhere. Goosebumps the TV show freaks him out. He covers his ears and snuggles ip to dad while watching. He is a great helper in the kitchen but hates following recipes 😜

He is the smartest child on the planet! He can write his 1st and last name. He knows his while name, can give directions to our house, he's pretty good at left and right, he can count to 30 something, can write all the numbers by himself, he can draw some awesome people, he colors in the lines. He is a genius at electronics and half the time tells me how to use them. He loves me reading Marvel Avengers stories to him. 

He is the best big brother.  He helps Jemma all the time. He mostly shares and is patient with her. He lets her help him unload the dishwasher. Its so sweet. He will get his feelings hurt and cry if she doesn't want to play with him. The other night she wouldn't sleep so I brought her in with us and he rubbed her cheek until she fell back asleep. Heart melted. 

He does lots of chores for rewards. Sometimes he's very helpful others he's but feeling it.  He can put his clothes on hangers, wash the coffee table, unload the dishwasher, pick up toys and vacuum. He hates baths and still says he cant wash himself. He is starting to pray which I love. He is growing into such an awesome  little person. 

Adjustments

Trying to adjust to having two kids is hard! Cash is at a point in his life where when you wanted to go somewhere you just dress him and throw him in the car.  No more diaper bags, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, back up clothes, pacifiers, etc. It's a lot to get together and remember. Now, when you put Jemma in her car seat Cash is running in circles around the car somewhere or trying to jump in the front seat in an attempt to drive.  It's enough to make you pull your hair out.  Add in a husband who takes 45 minutes to get dressed (without a shower by the way) and I'm already ready to come back in the house! 

Doctors appointments are getting more spread out.  We've had 2 extra because Miss Jemma isn't back to her birth weight yet.  I look at her and think, "she was bigger than this inside me?!"  I thought I was doing good in the beginning breastfeeding but I think she got some milk then was just sucking on empty boobs! For real! She had lost almost a pound in 6 days. Not cool. She only needed 5 more ounces at her 2 week appointment to be back at her birth weight.  No more breastfeeding for me so I am hopeful she will gain more than that. 

She is such a good baby I tell you. She only cries when hungry or dirty.  She will sleep almost 6 hours if you let her.  She likes to cuddle.  She doesn't like her bassinet but I try it every time I put her down.  I am determined not to let her sleep with us.  We are still battling with Cash to sleep in his own bed.  It's even harder he is in our bed because I have to wake Jemma up every 4 hours at night to eat so Cash wakes up (no fully) and proceeds to dig his feet in me or wrap his arms around my neck.  He has no regard to Jemma and hits her half the time.  I can't get him to scoot over and get off of me! I try to think "pretty soon he won't even let me hug him, so enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it", but man it's hard most of the time.  

Big brother blues.

Cash is having a really hard time being a big brother.  He's not kind to Jemma. He has hit her in the head about 3 times just today.  He's not helpful and acts out a lot.  He ignores you, tells you to quit, throws things and likes to hit you.  I can lift him, or hold him, or drive so we haven't got to spend any alone time together.  This is really hard on him. I tried to sit and talk with him but he has no interest.  P spent the whole day alone with him yesterday and while I got a break, a Cash still acts the same.  I thought he would be a sweet big brother and just love her to death but right now he doesn't like her or having his attention being taken away.  It makes me really sad.  I had very bad issues with guilt about this very thing before Jemma was born and was hoping it would go away once she was born.  I feel like it's my fault he is this way and I hope this doesn't affect him in the future.  I've watched too many Intervention episodes I think. It's only been 3 days and I know he needs time but it is very hard on everyone in this house.

Jemma Kay

 September 24, 2013 5am. My water breaks one day shy of being 39 weeks. The day before my scheduled c-section. I call the doctors office and decide just to head up to the hospital.  Cash was supposed to stay at my sisters the night before the scheduled c-section so he had to go with us.  After a very, very painful cervix check I was dilated to a 1, 50% effaced and -4 station.  In other words, I hadn't changed in a week and if I had decided to VBAC I would have labored all day.

Having a scheduled section I was hoping things were going to go a lot more smoothly than Cash's birth had.  After being stuck 3 times with an 18 gauge needle, by an ER RN no doubt, my nurse already mentioned the words "nurse curse". Here it goes again, I thought.  I talked to the anesthesiologist and told him I was most nervous about the spinal.  He wasn't very reassuring.  They take me in the OR, sit me on the table and attempt the spinal.  I was so nervous, he told me I was hard and he hit a nerve that made me jump and griped at me for jumping.  I started to cry because of nerves and said that I didn't mean to jump, it was involuntary.  I hear the dr say, "I need another kit" and I got even more anxious.  Second attempt was easier, I got numb really fast, they layed me down, and he tested my level, up to the top of my boobs. He was shocked it was so high so fast and I freaked and started to cry.  My awesome nurse came over and told me to stop that she knew exactly what I was thinking and that I was going to be ok.  I did calm down after that.

A few minutes later I felt tugging and the Dr. d shouted "It's a girl", P and I were totally shocked.  We both thought she was going to be a boyI heard her cry and I cried from joy.  I just couldn't believe she was here and I hoped she was healthy.  P took pictures and then they brought her to me.  I said she looked exactly like Cash.  We named her Jemma Kay. I after my sisters lil and big K. 

They take me to recovery and after a small bout of shivering, I started to fell, really, really drugged.  I was so nauseated, I couldn't lift my head or open my eyes.  The room was rolling like an old VCR tape.  Due to hormone shifts I was sweating profusely and very, very hot.  I wasn't hurting though and after about an hour I could move my legs.  They take me to my room and was sick until sometime in the night.  It was the most miserable experience ever.  I was able to nurse Jemma in the recovery room and she did amazing! She does well to this day.  She's healthy and for that I thank God.

Bento boxes

I've seen Bento boxes on Pinterest for a long time. Still, I look at them and think how in the world do people have time to do those? Cash has been stuck in a rut with his lunches.  P throws stuff in the microwave and that is ok once in a while but 3 days a week is not cool. The kid never eats vegetables and barely gets fruit.  Don't get me wrong I'm guilty too mostly because I've been too tired to go to the grocery store.  So, I made Cash 2 lunches for P to pull out of the fridge and give to him, easier than nuking something. I ended up getting sick so I was here to watch him devour his lunches! I think he liked the bright colors and that the food is different from, burritos, corn dogs and pizza rolls.  Day one he had peanut butter and jelly cut into dinosaur shapes, pretzels, cheese stick and oranges.  Day two he had tuna (with hidden carrots) crackers, carrots & cucumbers with ranch, and graham crackers.  I think these people that do these Bento boxes are on to something.  At least I know when I'm at work that Cash is eating nutritiously. 

Mother's Day

I have high hopes for Mother's Day every year. After all, I waited 30 years for one to come my way.

I imagine sleeping in and waking up to breakfast in bed. Then Cash will jump on me in bed telling me how much he loves me and P thanks me for being a great Mom and he appreciates all I do. I don't have to lift a finger all day getting showered in gifts and flowers. I won't have to cook dinner. I will be made to feel special and appreciated.

Every single year I sit home, alone, depressed and disappointed. P always has to work, never thinks to ask for the day off. This year I got a card, from Cash. Nothing from P telling me so much as telling me to kiss his ass. No flowers, no gift...nothing but heartbreak. He didn't even tell me Happy Mother's Day. Never had a dinner or flowers from P. He said he got me a present but I know he ordered me something that he didn't even care enough to order it on time so I could get it today. Today is like any other day, nobody has made me feel special here. So, all you people posting all your gifts on Facebook and saying how sweet and thoughtful your husbands and kids are can kiss my ass.

This one is different but very much the same.

I was reading all my posts from when I was pregnant with Cash today. Brought back all kinds of warm fuzzies. My favorite is that I will never let him eat McDonalds. HA! Anywhoo, I have decided I'm going to blog more about this pregnancy. With Cash I posted on Facebook every single sonogram picture. Haven't had time to do that this time around. By 5 months I had ordered his furniture, had it almost set up and picked his theme for his room. At 5 months P and I were at Babies R Us registering for useless things like burp cloths because we just had to have them. Eighteen weeks is just around the corner and we have done NOTHING to prepare for Cash's little brother/sister. People are giving me a hard time about this. Saying it's not fair and this baby is getting screwed. I have good reasons. 1. That perfect nursery we set up for Cash didn't get used until he was 11 months old. New baby WILL NOT sleep with us after it's born. I will register for a basinet and it can sleep in it at night and his it's crib for naps. I will not make the same mistake with Cash. Plus Cash is still sleeping in the bed with us. 2. The new baby will inherit Cash's old baby furniture since he doesn't use it now. So we won't have to buy more and assmeble it. 3. Picking out a gender neutral nursery is HARD! Everything is so ugly. I do think I found the theme though. It's more like colors than a theme. 4. I have almost every piece of baby equipment from Cash left over. Barely used and all gender neutral: swing, bouncer, walker, jumper, play center, Rock N Play, carrier, play pen, high chair. There are only a few things will will need: double stroller, monitor, basninet, changing table and a diaper genie. My sisters insist on giving me a baby shower. I don't want one because I don't think I'll get the stuff I really need anyway. Plus gender neutral clothes are dumb. 5. We are broke! So hard to make ends meet these days. This go around we don't have a fat savings like we did with Cash. I won't have enough paid time off from work (again) and I haven't decided if I'll go back when my PTO runs out or if we will but bills on credit cards. Who knows... On to how this pregnancy is exactally the same: Morning sickeness (ALL day), headaches, bad back and hip pains. So far everything is the same. This time I don't have to fret about labor and delivery. No labor for me. Prescheduled C-section, I know I'm getting an epidural and I will know his/her birthday exactally. I also and going for a very detailed sonogram with a maternal fetal medicene doctor to check for any problems with baby's development. Hopefully this will save us some worry. I also am sad I don't look pregnant. They say with the 2nd you "pop" sooner and I do think I'm getting bigger sooner I just look fatter and not pregnant. Same as with Cash. I do know one thing for sure I hope this baby is as smart, shy, sweet, beautiful and perfect like my Cashy.