Here we go again.

I blame it all on my sister Lil K. I just had to treat P to a little birthday "somethin somethin". Who knew that exact day I was ovulating? The next day I was spotting which I chalked up to the beginning of my period. The next day the sickness started and for the next two weeks, sickness and nausea. The same symptoms I had when I was pregnant with Cash. Three pregnancy tests confirm, I am pregnant again. Loosing weight has done it again! Weight Watchers brought me down 8 whole pounds. Apparently, 8 less pounds is enough to help you get pregnant.

Total shock has turned into panic. They say with your second you have the "been there, done that" mentality but I don't. First, I am about 15 pounds heavier than before I had Cash. I am consumed with the fear of miscarriage. I know I did the same thing with Cash but I'm still scared. I feel like I had the perfect pregnancy with Cash and this time I'm testing fate. I pray and pray and pray. I pray for my trust in God to be strengthened and that I realize he has a plan for me and my family. I pray my fears go away and that He will never give me more than I can handle. I think I will feel better once I have my first doctors appointment and see the tiny blip on the screen. For those reading this pray for me. Pray for a healthy pregnancy and baby, that my worrying and fear stop and pray that I can trust him.

List of words

airp-airplane sta-star ooon-moon boon-balloon moo-says the cow choo choo honk ite-light noooo ess-yes papa mommy daddy babe peeese-please an ew-thank you backpack-(when he sees Dora) peepee yay kinkle kinkle kinkle-singing Twinkle Twinkle little star un ew ee- one, two, three

Trucking Along

Life is trucking along. My sweet boy is growing and growing and growing. He says new words each day which for some reason continues to amaze me. He is SO smart. He can't talk much but he can point to everything that you ask him to. I taught him where his heart was the other night and he pats it "boom...boom" like I taught him. He loves butterfly, eskimo and elephant kisses. He is SUPER shy around people, especially strangers. He will hold on to my neck so tight. I love it but was hoping he would be outgoing and not so shy. He got his 2nd haircut a few weeks ago and it makes him look even more grown up than ever. It's a faux hawk and so awesome! His hair is still bleach blonde and I hope it doesn't change for a long time. Little boys are cute with blonde hair but adults not so much. He loves the moon, stars, airplanes and trains. He loves to draw with a pen and paper. Every night he reads a story to his 3 bears and kitty cat. That is how he eventually falls asleep. Some night when he doesn't want to sleep I will bring him in the bed with me and we will sing songs, tell stories and snuggle. He sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with me. It's enough to melt my heart. He gives lots of kisses and has to be right next to me. I think he knows that as long as he is doing this he won't have to go to his crib. I love it so much. Only twice has he fallen asleep in bed with me. He has too much fun to sleep! Here are the words he can currently say: (I'm sure I'm forgetting some) moon star spoon thank you please mama daddy babe yes no stop choo choo He says anything you ask him to repeat but these are the ones he says a lot. Work has been very busy lately. The last 3 Mondays I have to drive BACK to work after getting off, driving and hour home, eating and I just lay down to bed. My days turn into 21-22 hour days. It's exhausting knowing you have to get up and chase around a toddler the following day. P and I are going to spend a much needed day off together this weekend. Cash is going to his grandparents to spend the night for the first time. I'm really nervous but I think I'm just going to miss him too much :(

Let's play a little catch up.

Honestly my posts are few and far between because I rarely use my laptop anymore. My iPad is my life and I highly recommend everybody get one! It's just hard to type on it, so I don't. Halloween is approaching. Cash got invited to his first Halloween party! He is going as a rockstar. Wish me luck with the spiked hair part. For his actual Halloween costume he is going as Chucky! If Granny P can get fabric and sew his shirt. It's harder than you can imagine to find a shirt like Chucky wore. I'm excited to see how it will turn out. Cash continues to get smarter everyday. You show this kid something once he can do it forever. With that being said he also continues to test his dad and me and push as far as he can. He likes to throw tantrums that went from headbanging to hitting himself in the stomach now it's throwing himself on the floor. I have also inacted spanking. He cries and then proceeds to say "mommy" and hug me everytime. Starting to think of his 2nd birthday too. It's a little over 3 months away. I just can't believe it. Since he turned one time has just flown by! The battle of the pacifier "paci" will soon be starting. Now he only uses it to go to sleep. It's going to be really hard. The day he turns 2 it's gone forever. Some of my favorite things he does now: closed mouth kisses. for no reason. always first thing when he wakes up. Eskimo kisses are his favorite. when he runs. He smiles and takes off. It's kind of fast walking with a bounce. he loves loves loves to cook. If I'm at the kitchen counter or washing dishes he pushes a chair right up and helps me with whatever I'm doing. It's cute until he pushes it up to the stove and thinks it's ok. His expressions are priceless. They make me laugh out loud. I love how silly he is.

Lots going on but nothing really going on.

Cash is 19 months, 33 inches, 25 pds. He can pretty much repeat anything you tell him to say. He's funny. He's bad. He's teething which brings out the brat in him. He has been banging his head on anything hard when he's super tired and grumpy. He's got the lumps, bumps and bruises on his forehead to prove it. Pediatrician says he won't bang hard enough to hurt himself so I just act cheery and ignore him/go on my merry way. This will either 1. piss him off and bang his head more or 2. make him stop and follow me crying his eyes out rubbing boogers and snot on my pant leg. He'll out grow it...eventually. He likes to be so independant. He won't sit in a seat of any kind at the table. He stands in a chair. Resturants are a no go unless it's 3 pm when no one is there so he can proceed to climb on me and scream and be crazy. He loves to push a chair to the counter and cook or wash dishes. Don't you dare move him or he will throw himself backward like you just took away his candy. Strollers are also a spawn of the devil according to Cash. I got him a back pack with a leash but I feel so dumb using it. He doesn't like not being able to run as far and fast as he can either. "Driving" his his favorite. He likes to turn the steering wheel, put the key in the ignition and turn the radio on. I literally have to pry his hands off the wheel to go inside. Kinda sorta working on potty training. Got some underwear for Cash today and OH MY WORD are they cute on his little tush. He goes with P to pee as often as he can to see what it's all about. He only likes to flush. He knows what pooping is because he will go off by himself, in a corner or other room and come back with a hand full of poop. Yeah, almost everytime. It got old the 2nd time he did it and we are on time #5,390 so we are beyond ready for him to go in the toliet! For P and I: work, pay bills and keep Cash occupied.

Mostly about me

Took Cash swimming at his great Aunt S's house last week. He had the best time. He was fearless and loved being thrown up into the air. He is getting so tall. I look at old pictures and I barely recognize him. Kinda getting baby fever again but not because I want a little baby to hold. It's because I feel like I'm getting older and my clock is ticking. I don't want to be old and fat having a baby. Too many complications. So we will see what God has in store for me. Struggling with my weight. Took family picures last month and I look absolutely horrid in them. I keep saying I will start a diet soon but I just can't seem to do it. I feel guilty most of all. Guilty I can't run with Cash. Guilty I can't take him on rides at the water park. Guilty that I have no self control or drive to diet and excerise. Guilty that one day Cash will be embarrased of me. Guilty that I could leave this world early and leave Cash motherless. You would think that would make me diet but it doesn't. Food addiction sucks. Cash can point to parts on his body. He says mama daddy and ewww. We have been waiting for words for so long. I really don't want him to have to have speech therapy. Other than that we just try to keep him busy around the house cause man. it's hot outside!

Exploring

Cash is getting really good as saying Mama. He says it all the time. His favorite things to do are open the dishwasher, pull everything out and then put it all back in. He does this all while standing in the dishwasher lid. He hates going into his carseat. He wants to stand and turn on the dome light. Or crawl into the front seat and honk the horn and play with EVERY knob or button on the dashboard. Buttons are his thing.

Lil J is in town from Cal i forn e i a. Cash is having a grand time playing with all her kiddos. He just loves other kids so much. I'm already dreading her return home on Monday.

Mothers day.

Cash was sweet today. It was a great day because of that! A few times I told him "no" he would start crying and walk over to me, put his head on my shoulder and cry like someone hurt his feelings. He is shy around people at first but after a while he warms up and he is his normal crazy self. He has a fascination with pulling up people's shirts. He loves to kiss other babies; just because. You don't even have to ask him to. He is obsessed with sticking his hands down his pants. Anytime his diaper is off he is pushing on his penis or belly button. He likes to stick stuff in his ears and eating crayons. I took his stuffed animals out of his bin to but them in his room and he picked them up and tried to put them back in the same bin. He won't point to his parts but he will close his eyes, brush his hair, wipe his mouth, blow is nose and stick out his tongue. I think that means he knows his parts!even though he can't talk he can tell you what he wants. Today I was standing in the step into his playroom and he pulled my pant leg gesturing me to come in. it amazes me how smart he has become.

Defiance and anger.

I was sitting in the drive thru today and saw a woman getting on to her son and he was just crying and crying. This made me really sad because the first thing I thought of was that that is going to be me someday. I thought how he's going to be really bad one day. One day he's not going to want to be around me and say mean things about/to me. It makes me sad at how fast children grow up and away from you. One day I will miss spending bath time with him and reading him stories. One day he's not going to need me and it makes me really sad.

Cash is getting better at [being a brat] showing his anger and frustration. He now hits things when he is mad, including his dad and Me. P was totally against spanking him because he thought it would teach him that it was ok to hit things. I have swatted his butt and hands a few times. All it really did was piss him off even more and well, taught him how to hit. I guess we will lay off that. Today when he was pissed I wouldn't let him go outside he hit the couch and pouted. He has gotten pretty good at throwing fits. They include throwing himself on the ground and screaming. I just ignore him when he does it and in a few seconds he's gets up and goes about his day. He likes it do the exact opposite of what we tell him not to do. When we say "give me that" he takes off running. He also has what we call a "death grip". When he latches on to something he isn't supposed to have we have to pry his hands free. Screaming and throwing fits is his favorite.

15 month appointment was depressing kinda. Dr said Cash's speech is delayed. I already dreaded this.i knew he wasn't saying enough words. Shoot, the only time he says mama or dad is when he's upset. No other words just jibberish. She said she isn't too worried since he understands what we say. I will leave this one in Gods hands.

15 months

At 15 months: Give kisses Throw away trash without being told. Loves to wipe any liquid up. When asked, "are you hungry?" goes to his high chair. Loves to try to buckle his high chair buckle. When told, "let's take a bath" he goes to the bathroom. Loves to lay in the tub and put his ears under the water. Wipes himself during diaper changes. Loves to push on his weiner as soon as you take off a diaper. He is pidgeon-toed (like his Daddy) Really getting the hang of using a fork and spoon. Loves to dip his food in ketchup. If he won't eat we put a dot of ketchup on his plate and all his food disappears! Loves to "talk" to you. Looks right at you and babbles away. When asked if he wants to slide he goes straight to his playroom. Loves to talk on the phone. He likes to listen more than anything. He is getting very shy. When I tried to show Lil K that he could do itsy bitsy spider he buried his head in my chest and wouldn't do it! Loves to play with blankest/sheets/towels over his head. Lots of curly blonde hair. 7 teeth and one more coming through.

Transition from Infant to Toddler

This is from 10/12/13 but never got published. 

So, my little baby has turned into a little boy. He has his own little personality. He loves to dance. He will bring you the TV remote for you to turn it to Sirius. He will then go turn on the stereo. He will stand dup and turn in circles but try to keep his eyes in one place. It is hilarious! He likes for me to dance with him and dip him down. Makes him laugh time. He likes top 40, light rock and classic rock (his favorite).

He LOVES to be outside and cries when we bring him inside. He goes out, immediately waves at Tango and runs right up to him. Then he picks up sticks or rocks and throws them or carries them around. When he wants to go outside he will get my shoes, grab my foot and try to put my shoes on for me all while whining. We say lets go bye-bye and he runs to the door and tries to open it.
He also likes to help me stir pots in the kitchen when I'm cooking.
We say let's take a bath and he runs right to the bathroom door. He likes to wipe his privates during diaper time.
One way I found to get him still during diaper time is to sing Itsy bitsy spider. He puts his two pointer fingers together and turns them. He also learned the " washed the spider out" part and frantically waves his hands back and forth. He is amazing me everyday. He can partially eat off a fork. Sometimes he will pick the food up and shove it on the fork and then out it into his mouth. He won't let me help him either. He has 8 teeth now. Well 7 1/2 really. Yesterday at P's parents house he said thank you! It was great to have P's parents hear him. Today he tried to drink out of my Solo cup and spilled it everywhere. He think took the cup and put it in the trash. He was angry when the trash can was closed. He is the most amazing little man and it's so bittersweet to see him growing up so fast.

14 months is around the corner

In just a few short days my baby will be 14 months old. Just this week he started saying mama and dada. Mama more than dada though :) He can give kisses. Big open mouth sloppy wet kisses. He can climb on the couch and slide down his slide in his playroom. He has found his little penis and will help me wipe him self during diaper changes. Still has 6 teeth coming in. Last week he got sick for the very first time. Dr said it was a virus and he had a red, sore throat. He was over it in a few days. His personality is really developing and parenting gets funner each day.

Best.Day.Ever.

Low census at work+=unexpected day off! We had a fabulous, much needed, rare family day together! We started off by breakfast at our favorite cafe. Cash had pancakes, strawberries, bananas, eggs and cinnamon toast. The kid pigged out. I don't know where he put that stuff! Then I relaxed while P mowed and Cash took a much needed nap. When he woke up we went to the park while I took some pictures. It was 80 degrees here in TX today which was HOT! This summer is going to be SO bad. Anywho, we went to DQ where Cash pigged out on Hamburger, french fries and he had his first ice cream cone. He almost ate the whole thing and I had to take it away. He cried. Then I came home and took a nap. Cash is asleep and now P and I are watching movies. Best.Day.Ever.

Being a bad friend.

I talked with Lil J last night. I haven't been a good friend to her. When I talk on the phone to her (which is a rarity) I find myself talking only about me, then I let her go and she hasn't even had a chance to talk. I have anxiety about talking on the phone to people because I can't stand silence. I feel very uncomfortable and awkward if I run out of things to say. The only people I can talk without anxiety is my sisters, husband and step mom. I can talk to my sisters for hours without running out of stuff to say. Anyhoo, we talked for an hour and I kept reminding myself to ask questions and not talk about Cash unless she asked me about him. She recently moved a few states away and is having a hard time adjusting. I mean can you imagine living somewhere for 3 years, making friends, finding a church home, getting to know your kid's teachers, loving your home and then moving away suddenly just to have to start over? And about a week after she got there she got into a car accident, they military people gave away her home she had reserved months before because they arrived late, then the paperwork was lost so they had to get a small house and they don't have room for all their belongings. She is just really depressed and that is why I called. I wanted her to know even though I don't call that I am here for her. I love her lots and miss her even more. She made me feel alot better about things I worry too much about. Like Cash's milestones. She told me to stop comparing and that he will hit them when he's ready. I was hoping she would need me but I ended up needing her right at that moment.

Almost 13 months

Cash is just growing up too fast. He has 6 teeth, waves bye bye and hi. He plays patty cake and can almost blow kisses. He has been off of the bottle and formula since 2 days after his birthday. He didn't miss it one bit. No more baby food either. Just table food! Today he had his first hamburger and he almost ate the whole thing! He sleeps in his crib and most nights he goes down without crying. He plays well by himself in his playroom. He is intrigued by pushing buttons and turning on switches, ringing the door bell and pulling the chain to turn on the fan. We can't watch movies when he is awake because he turns off and opens the bluray player constantly. We even covered the lights with black tape but somehow he still knew the player was on. He knows how to throw fits now too and screams till his lips turn blue sometimes. When he has something in his hands you can say, "give me that" and he takes off running. He loves being chased. It's his favorite game. He will laugh and laugh. His little laugh is music to my ears. He lives to dance and every time he hears music he will look at me and just start dancing! He has gotten picky with his food and won't eat corn, peas or green beans anymore. Watermelon gives him a bad rash. Too bad, watermelon is good!

I look at his baby pictures and I can't remember him being so tiny. Bittersweet.

Seriously?

My family is crazy. I didn't invite extended family to Cash's birthday party. I posted on Facebook about me being tired after prepping for his party. I got comments from 2 cousins and 2 aunts saying, "my invite must have gotten lost in the mail". And, "Cash may not remember but it is important for family to be there". I just commented back and said that I hoped feelings weren't hurt but I wanted it to be a small party. I let that go. Then today one of my aunts comments on my status and says, "I can't believe I didn't get invited Tiff, I'm so disappointed". WHATEVER! You have never been to my house in the 6 years I have lived here and have seen Cash 2 times in the last year. You didn't visit when he was born. The first time you met him he was 6 months old. I invited people that he knows and that are present in his life, people I knew that would come. So sorry you are selfish and got your feelings hurt that you weren't invited. Go ahead, talk trash to the rest of the family. I don't care. They weren't invited either. THAT is the reason YOU weren't invited.

First Birthday

Today was my baby boy's birthday party. The theme was based on the book that we read together, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar". In the book the caterpillar is born, eats through all kinds of food then goes into his cocoon and becomes a butterfly. We had close family and friends in attendance. Some of my exteneded family got upset because they weren't invited but oh well. I didn't want it to be that big. I worked very hard on decorating and planning all the food. I made cupcakes and his smash cake, which he LOVED! He wouldn't stop eating it! He got tons of toys and was running around like a crazy man all day. He had a blast and was passed out at 7:45.

Preparing for the First Birthday!

I can't believe I am ordering Cash's first birthday stuff. He is growing so much and he even pointed with purpose last night. I was trying to get him to sleep in his crib and he pointed to the hallway. He wanted to leave that room! He is taking a few steps each day. I think he has taken at most 10 steps in a row. My little baby is almost a toddler! I can't believe how, wonderful and stressful this year has been. My next post should have pictures of his birthday party!!