Mostly about me

Took Cash swimming at his great Aunt S's house last week. He had the best time. He was fearless and loved being thrown up into the air. He is getting so tall. I look at old pictures and I barely recognize him. Kinda getting baby fever again but not because I want a little baby to hold. It's because I feel like I'm getting older and my clock is ticking. I don't want to be old and fat having a baby. Too many complications. So we will see what God has in store for me. Struggling with my weight. Took family picures last month and I look absolutely horrid in them. I keep saying I will start a diet soon but I just can't seem to do it. I feel guilty most of all. Guilty I can't run with Cash. Guilty I can't take him on rides at the water park. Guilty that I have no self control or drive to diet and excerise. Guilty that one day Cash will be embarrased of me. Guilty that I could leave this world early and leave Cash motherless. You would think that would make me diet but it doesn't. Food addiction sucks. Cash can point to parts on his body. He says mama daddy and ewww. We have been waiting for words for so long. I really don't want him to have to have speech therapy. Other than that we just try to keep him busy around the house cause man. it's hot outside!