Baby #2

I know I never posted anything about baby #2 so here goes. COMPLETE surprise. OVERWHELMING suprise. GIFT FROM GOD surprise. At a time in our marraige where we were completely overhwelmed and struggling emotionally and financially God gave us the gift of life. I was never so conflicted in my life. Scared beyond belief at how we are going to support another baby when we can barely support our family now. Concerned at how this was going to change our marraige even further. Guilt set in at how can I love another child like I do Cash. Now to spread finances between two children and I may not be able to give Cash everything I didn't have when I was a child. I felt like I was spinning out of control. I couldn't be happy for myself. Worry consumed me. I told a few people and they were so excited. I thought, "how can other people be so excited when I am not?". Consumed with the worry of another pregancy. The normal stressors of a new pregancy, misscarraige, still birth, birth defects and everything else that could go bad. I also worried about my weight. But God always has a plan and I prayed and prayed and prayed. The turning point for me was about 12 weeks when I went in for my monthly check and the NP couldn't doppler a heartbeat. Scared the crap out of me because this never happened with Cash. The feeling of saddness and worry flooded my brain. They send me in for and ultrasound. I was alone because Cash was asleep in the car with P. I didn't expect a sono so I told him to stay in the car. A few minutes later she had me in for an ultrasound and there it was a heartbeat. I was relieved beyond belief. At that point I said no more bad feelings or animosity towards this gift of life growing inside of me. I allowed myself to be excited. Here we are at 17 weeks. Heart rate was 160 which my OB said olds wives tales says girl. Well, we shall wait and see. This time we will not find out the gender. We are not even sharing names we have picked out. This journey I started in April 2010 is not over yet. I just never thought it would continue with a brother or sister for my sweet Cash! FYI-I suffer from PCOS which stands for polycystic ovarian syndrome. I went on birth control pills when I was 18. I gained about 40 pounds after that. I blamed it on the birth control pills. When I got married in 2005 I went off the pill in hopes to start a family. It didn't happen. In 2007 I was having a lot of pain and was diagnosed with PCOS. I was put on metformin ( a pill to regulate your blood sugars and in turn your hormone levels) in hopes to get pregnant. I had a lot of side effects and didn't get pregnant so I went off metformin. I had the cysts removed surgically in 2008 and still wasn't able to get pregnant. P and I had come to terms with not having children. I am a firm believer in if it's meant to be it will happen. It just wasn't meant to be for us. In 2010 I was going to have the lap band done. For insurance I was required to go on a doctor monitored diet. I lost 16 pounds. The day before my last doctors appointment I found out I was pregnant. Fast forward to January 2013 I lost 8 pounds in 2 months doing Weight Watchers and then I find out I'm pregnant. The moral of my story, a girl who never thought she would have kids due to PCOS, is LOOSE WEIGHT. Weight gain precipitates the development of PCOS and if you loose weight, for me as little as 8 pounds, you have a better chance of getting pregnant. No doctor ever told me that.