Big brother blues.

Cash is having a really hard time being a big brother.  He's not kind to Jemma. He has hit her in the head about 3 times just today.  He's not helpful and acts out a lot.  He ignores you, tells you to quit, throws things and likes to hit you.  I can lift him, or hold him, or drive so we haven't got to spend any alone time together.  This is really hard on him. I tried to sit and talk with him but he has no interest.  P spent the whole day alone with him yesterday and while I got a break, a Cash still acts the same.  I thought he would be a sweet big brother and just love her to death but right now he doesn't like her or having his attention being taken away.  It makes me really sad.  I had very bad issues with guilt about this very thing before Jemma was born and was hoping it would go away once she was born.  I feel like it's my fault he is this way and I hope this doesn't affect him in the future.  I've watched too many Intervention episodes I think. It's only been 3 days and I know he needs time but it is very hard on everyone in this house.

Jemma Kay

 September 24, 2013 5am. My water breaks one day shy of being 39 weeks. The day before my scheduled c-section. I call the doctors office and decide just to head up to the hospital.  Cash was supposed to stay at my sisters the night before the scheduled c-section so he had to go with us.  After a very, very painful cervix check I was dilated to a 1, 50% effaced and -4 station.  In other words, I hadn't changed in a week and if I had decided to VBAC I would have labored all day.

Having a scheduled section I was hoping things were going to go a lot more smoothly than Cash's birth had.  After being stuck 3 times with an 18 gauge needle, by an ER RN no doubt, my nurse already mentioned the words "nurse curse". Here it goes again, I thought.  I talked to the anesthesiologist and told him I was most nervous about the spinal.  He wasn't very reassuring.  They take me in the OR, sit me on the table and attempt the spinal.  I was so nervous, he told me I was hard and he hit a nerve that made me jump and griped at me for jumping.  I started to cry because of nerves and said that I didn't mean to jump, it was involuntary.  I hear the dr say, "I need another kit" and I got even more anxious.  Second attempt was easier, I got numb really fast, they layed me down, and he tested my level, up to the top of my boobs. He was shocked it was so high so fast and I freaked and started to cry.  My awesome nurse came over and told me to stop that she knew exactly what I was thinking and that I was going to be ok.  I did calm down after that.

A few minutes later I felt tugging and the Dr. d shouted "It's a girl", P and I were totally shocked.  We both thought she was going to be a boyI heard her cry and I cried from joy.  I just couldn't believe she was here and I hoped she was healthy.  P took pictures and then they brought her to me.  I said she looked exactly like Cash.  We named her Jemma Kay. I after my sisters lil and big K. 

They take me to recovery and after a small bout of shivering, I started to fell, really, really drugged.  I was so nauseated, I couldn't lift my head or open my eyes.  The room was rolling like an old VCR tape.  Due to hormone shifts I was sweating profusely and very, very hot.  I wasn't hurting though and after about an hour I could move my legs.  They take me to my room and was sick until sometime in the night.  It was the most miserable experience ever.  I was able to nurse Jemma in the recovery room and she did amazing! She does well to this day.  She's healthy and for that I thank God.